Coffee has no vibe
Do we enjoy coffee for the taste or are we collectively doing the "but first... coffee" bit and other coffee sayings
As I sit here and drink my coffee at my favorite coffee shop in Brooklyn, NY, Villager Coffee, am I thinking that this coffee is good or am I drinking this Americano to wake up, start my day, and take the day by storm? I feel like I drink 2+ cups of coffee a day to take the day by the horns and cope with the overwhelming harsh facts of reality. As I see so many people line up for their coffee, I can tell that this is part of their daily routine. What if you took coffee runs out of the mix? What would we do? I can’t operate anymore without a drink in my hand. I coddle it like a conversation starter but it gives me that same liquid courage I had in college while talking to girls as well as pretend to dudes that I was going to get a refill but actually Irish goodbye. So face it, when we drink coffee, are we only drinking coffee because of caffeine, or is because we’re all drug fiends? Face it: coffee has no vibe.
I like wearing black. I like it dark. I drink my coffee black. Neutral colors and anything that is considered a black hole, dark soul, gothic, angsty, don’t talk to me vibes. Is that where “Don’t talk to me until I had my coffee” came from? Because we’re all collectively emo when we wake up and go cafe grumpy but then need to be brought back to life after we have our dark liquid? To see a bubbly personality say that they want their coffee black, I feel like we have something in common. Depression.
For serious coffee drinkers, does that mean you take multiple shits a day? Coffee runs actually mean coffee runs to the bathroom? You can admit it, it’s ok. I have to hit the bathroom every now and then because I’m cupping coffee like I’m a barista again. I hate that I’m fallen prey to watching TikToks in the bathroom now. I’m in the bathroom for 20+ minutes learning about how to make millions, world news, and gossip through TikTok because of coffee bathroom runs.
When people add milk to their coffee, is that because you miss drinking straight up milk as a baby? You don’t want to admit drinking a glass of milk before bedtime because you actually miss being a kid without responsibilities? I get it. I do too. I miss it. A glass of whole milk. Doesn’t hit the same as a glass of oat milk or almond milk. That sounds gross. We don’t need to do that. As I prepare a coffee drink and add tons of milk to people’s drinks, do you actually taste the coffee? Did you only want a glass of milk this whole time? Lattes, cappuccinos, cortados. How about tor-na-dos in your in-test-ina-des (intestines).
Watch me open up a café one day and have all of your grandmas sayings from the Hamptons on woodblocks that hang on the walls like a diner from the 60s. I have to admit, I love café culture. People hanging out chilling, talking shit, reading The New York Times, reading books, wearing all types of clothes, peacocking, charging their phone, or me writing about coffee culture and how much it has no vibe. I’m being a hater, a hypocrite, and pessimistic. Café culture has a vibe. I love meeting people at cafés. Where else am I supposed to meet up with people. NYC doesn’t have a mall.
The no vibe of coffee culture though I believe comes from the negative effects of caffeine and how it changes a person. For me, the caffeine in coffee gets me agitated. I am able to think a million miles a minute, but in the process I swear. A lot. When something happens, I curse. I don’t want to say the F word, the MF word, the F MF S C, AH, C, B, B, B, word but it comes out of me unexpectedly. I’m sorry, I’m not perfect and it shows. With coffee. You MF B.
Is it because I’m sober? I have to accept the fact that I’m sober because people call me sober. We’re about to start the Wear Many Hats World Tour tomorrow so I don’t know what’s going to happen. I ate bacon on Monday in a stunning bacon egg & cheese from my new favorite café called KYO in Bedstuy, Brooklyn across from the fallen Sincerely, Tommy shop. You all know me by now of not eating pork from yapping about it but that day I was tired and stressed out because of all the work I’ve been behind before going on our trip. Eating pork is a slippery slope for me falling back into the traps of getting back to drinking alcohol. Obviously, not true. I need to go to Porky Anonymous.
I only say coffee has no vibe because I don’t like the packaging design coffee roasters use, coffee culture chat about, barista throwdowns, and cupping.
Maybe it’s because coffee has never accepted me in the same way the coffee nerds do. In the end, I owe my life to coffee.
My first job into the world was at a third wave coffee shop at the Philadelphia International Airport called Jazz & Java at 16 years old. It ruled so hard. I met so many celebs, friends, and made banging coffee. I saved up my paychecks to buy a Fuji Track Bike. It was the best until I got hit by a car and totaled it. I made a friend that lived in SF and visited her to check out SF for the first time through that coffee shop. I had an old soul and was young and dumb. Life was simpler back then.
Simpler times.